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VIETNAM SURVIVAL GUILT, CONT.
And what was not covered in
this report, the man who was the last man to actually observe Michael
die heroically in battle was there personally before me to fill in the
blanks. Totally unreal! He even had pictures of what I
believe show our unit's Armed Personnel Carriers (APC) that he had taken
during that time on Hamburger Hill.
Michael, Mr. Robinson explained had observed a fellow
soldier wounded in an area heavily occupied by NVA insurgents. Lt.
Robinson suggested that it was suicide for anyone to attempt a rescue of
this soldier, but Michael offered to try anyway above his objections,
and simply took off running. He reached the soldier, but as he
started to carry his injured comrade to safety he was hit several times
and died moments later. For at least the next two days, the area
was extremely hostile and to reach both dead soldiers was virtually
impossible under the circumstances. Once the area was again
secured the bodies were recovered, but not before being mutilated and
stripped of clothing useful you the enemy and jewelry. During this
recovery, Michael's specially made watch which he literally cherished,
was extracted and issuing from his wrist. Thought to be lost
forever, a few days later it was rediscovered on a captured NVA soldier.
The captive soldier under intense interrogation revealed that during the
fight that ensued after Michael's demise that nearly two thirds of his
Regiment force had been killed or wounded; this, compared to eight
American casualties. His unit was then forced to regroup and
retreat back toward the north. For his heroic actions under
extreme hostile conditions Michael too, as preceded in death months
earlier by his close friend PFC John E. Lutze, was posthumously awarded
the Silver Star medal.
This extraordinary event in my life provided a sense of
closure, but as anyone who has experienced tragedy such as this know, in
being a sole survivor the loss is rarely ever fully comforted.
This month, 40 years later the war is never far removed
from my mind. For years I have felt as if I have had to live life for
two other people who've never had the chance to experience the birth of
a child; the extreme changes in technology and science; the historical
events, and many other things in life I have been able to participate
in. Indirectly, my life has been tormented with the abstract
illusion that I am living my life in relationship to all three of us.
Thought I am motivated to succeed, my personal "internal war" throughout
the past 40 years is fought with the determination that such ignorance
costing 58,269 American "human asset" deaths, 153,452 wounded, and 1947
missing in action tragedies might never occur again for merely, nothing.
I cannot do much about what has been done already, but I am dedicated to
21st century intellectual expansion that might one day prevent the same
or a similar situation in the future.
Ever since Vietnam my lifelong conviction has been,
"Why should we waste human lives on war and barbaric warfare tactics
when Americans are incredible and vastly rich resources for inventions
and medical research; leaders for human achievement, worldwide.
Continued in next column►►► |
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VIETNAM SURVIVAL GUILT, CONT.
Why should we concentrate our human and fiscal resources in putting out
senseless civil hostilities worldwide instead of investing our academic
intellect in ways that might educate and cultivate human existence
toward a non-violent future of human development and maturity?" Therapy, in dealing with PTSD has
brought defiant tears and intrusive recall over the years from a
seasoned former military draftee who was selected as "soldier of the
week" twice during basic training years ago at Fort Leonard Wood,
Missouri (i.e., "Little Korea"), but not without fierce
resistance. The road traveled since Vietnam has been wrought with
long-term recovery from adversities such as alcohol abuse, divorce, and
fiscal failures, intertwined with measurable successes in career,
education, and personal achievements. Unfortunately, the
devastation of war has many tentacles with life-long aftereffects.
For sole survivors, there are few solutions to fully eliminate the
intrusive memories, but many of the personal battles can be won in order
to lead a measurably healthy and productive life. Everyday
day in my life since Vietnam has been likened to "frosting on the cake"
as I had many "close calls" meaning those incidents taking place within
a fraction of an inch or within seconds. No one an tell me exactly
why my luck was any better than the over 2096 other medics listed on the
Vietnam Memorial who died, but is was, and don't think for one moment I
am not grateful. I am.
Note: Vietnam Memorial Washington DC; PFC/E3 John
Edwin Lutze, Panel 39W, Line 037; SP-4/E4 Michael Harold Flood, Panel
27W, Line 008.
UPCOMING EVENTS FOR DECEMBER
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